CCC extended

Dale Carnege, in his famous book, says "do not criticize, condemn, or complain."  I think that could be extended to include: do not compare, compete, control, challenge. Probably a few more as well.

Some people need challenge, some do not. If it is too challenging, failure will be the result. That is not good for our wins over losses ration (Losada Ratio).  A steady diet of failures is not good for most people.

Some people need competition, and some have too many failures which lower down the Losada ratio too low, create frustration, and removes the pleasure of an activity. This is why youth should not compete in some sports where the mean win to loss ratio is to poor. When we have a group of 30 and only one winner, Losada is 1/29 while two people competing we have 1/2, and any ratio less than 3/1 is depressing.

Comparing is the worst possibility. No one ever compares ourselves with someone who is worse, always better. We always loss. It is worse if it is a parent doing it verbally to a child.   Losada goes to zero divided by infinity. The stoics say to never compare or compete unless we are sure we can win. Wish for what happens, no expectations. Do not care if the red or blues win, just the skill and effort.

With comparing there is a second issue here as well; "is the characteristic being compare a valid one?" This is the frequent problem of teen girls body image issues, thinness is not mental wellness. Thin is not even natural, human nature is to carry a bit of food reserve; it is society, culture that says it is wrong. Too much is not good either, but we live in a time of excess food. Those who are thin really work at being thin, by not eating. Some do not feel the urge to eat, some ignore it. The tendency to overeat is a human characteristic, a species issue. We now have the ideal storm situation. What can we do? 

Controlling people is even more of a potential conflict. If you have not brought a child will inline with reality, in line with leading a good life by the time they are teens, they stand a big chance of wasting their life or part of it. If you force them to do something against there will, you get resentment. Same with companies the cajole employees to do things against there will for money, even if it is against their ethics, or leave them little choice with expectations greater than the capacity of the equipment in it's current state of repair, or by comparison cajoling to fudged outputs.  Oh well, shit happens.

Just because picture:

Enough